Sex/Love Addiction

Although they are often paired with one another, sex and love addictions can be quite distinct. Whilst a sex addict may also identify as a love addict, this is not always the case. There is some overlap between the two concepts, but they do not always go hand in hand for every individual.

What is sex addiction?

A sex addiction (or compulsive sexual behaviour) is considered, as both an ‘emerging psychiatric disorder’ and a specific type of behavioural addiction. Currently, ‘sex addiction’ is not a condition included in the diagnostic statistical manuals that clinicians use to diagnose disorders. Hypersexual disorder or compulsive sexual behaviour, however, are. This condition is

‘characterised by repetitive and intense preoccupations with sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviours that are distressing to the individual and/or result in psychosocial impairment.’

It has been linked especially with men (being 3-5 times more common in men than women) and is most experienced in late adolescence and early adulthood.

What is love addiction?

One research team indicates that whilst we ‘sometimes use the language of addiction when referring to love,’ love addiction as a distinct diagnosis is not currently in use. However, this does not mean that it does not exist as a phenomenon. There is a specific set of symptoms that would suggest a specific group of individuals experience love in this way. It can sometimes be useful to think of love addiction as a kind of relationship style – as a type of affective dependence. When this affective dependence takes hold, an individual may feel that their love for a specific person is too much to bear. Far from being the typical experience of romance, these feelings are further heightened into a flurry of obsession that burns so intensely that it can ‘lead to negative consequences.’

Sex/Love addiction symptoms

• Frequently fantasising about sex
• Thinking about sex at inappropriate times
• Problematic sexual behaviour
• Reduced boundaries around sex and emotional connection
• Finding it difficult to respect the boundaries of others
• Feeling quickly attached to people
• Fearing abandonment
• Struggling with being alone
• Cycles of intense socialisation followed by withdrawal
• Infidelity
• Moving from one relationship to another very quickly
• Feeling ‘empty’ when alone
• Fearing commitment
• Using sex as a surrogate for support
• Using sex and emotional connection to manipulate others
• Feeling unable to concentrate on other things
• Becoming cold, withdrawn or aloof
• Idealising others
• Feeling guilty after sex

Statistics on the number of individuals dealing with sex addiction are difficult to locate. A study found that 10% of US men struggle to cope with sexual urges. The same was true for 7% of US women. The difficulties accessing data on sex addiction in the UK may be due to fear around perceived stigma or lack of research being conducted on these concerns.

The same difficulties in accessing statistics on sex addiction hold true for love addiction. However, a 2017 study compared research from recent decades, suggesting that this type of affective dependence may be prevalent in anywhere between 5 and 10% of the US population.

There can be palpable dangers associated with both sex and love addiction. These can range from difficulty in maintaining relationships to engaging in manipulative behaviours and struggling to meet the requirements of your workplace.

Physical

• Lack of control of sexual behaviour
• Inappropriate touching of others
• Masturbating frequently
• Engaging with porn
• Engaging in harmful behaviours (excessive drinking and drug use)
• Sexual health consequences

Psychological

• Depression
• Feeling guilty after sex
• Preoccupation with sex
• Preoccupation with romantic partner
• Shame or remorse
• Feeling powerless
• Feeling nervous or anxious
• Suicidal thoughts
• Manipulating others
• Using emotional blackmail
• Engaging in paraphilia

Social

• Lying or being deceitful
• Neglecting hobbies
• Using social opportunities to find new sexual or romantic partners
• Difficulties at work
• Repercussions of inappropriate sexual contact

Dealing with sex and love addiction can be very draining. Especially due to social discourse, it can start feeling like you are living life as a villain. This can be very difficult to deal with and lead to intense psychological distress. You may frequently ask why this is happening and begin to blame yourself. This can lead to guilt, shame, rage and hopelessness. For some people, this can catalyse harmful thought processes that can lead to suicidal ideation.

There are several treatment options for sex and love addiction. At UKAT London Clinic, we offer bespoke treatment programmes that thread together multiple modes of treatment to best suit you. This could include a mix of:

• Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) [16]
• 1-1 therapy
• Group therapy
• Antidepressant or antidepressant medications
• Mood stabilisers
• Anti-androgens

CBT is perhaps the most prominent option as it aims to work through triggers and cognitive distortions that may shape your relationship to sex and love.

If you are struggling with a sex or love addiction, we can offer you sensitive, judgement-free and confidential advice. This consultation includes an assessment of your current difficulties and needs, allowing us to establish what mode of treatment may be most appropriate for you at present. All types of addiction are heavy burdens to bear. We are here to help you lighten this weight and enable you to start journeying towards an addiction-free future.